god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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