I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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