Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
