i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
