what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
