I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
