Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
