i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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