ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
