Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Do vagina's smell?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize