so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
