Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
