dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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