I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
