Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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