Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
