No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
