it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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