someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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