just come out here and I will go home with you...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
How's work?
Spinning.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
