Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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