I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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