tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
