if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
