One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
