Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
