i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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