He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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