don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We left the knife in your bed.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
