Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
