At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
