I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize