When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
