The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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