She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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