so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
