I met the friendliest cop last night
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
