OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
