got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
