From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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