we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
