I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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