I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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