consequently i now know what mace tastes like
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
