dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
