I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
