The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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