It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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