And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
