So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
