id be glad to
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
