He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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