I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
