my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
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