I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
