i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
