for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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