My underwear smells like fireworks.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize