Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
