tell your sister to shave her snatch
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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