My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
