East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
