My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
