I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
