She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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