My friends, they love my intelligence
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
