I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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