After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
