I looked at my own cervix.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
